JUNIORRRR YEARRRR

ohhhh so finally summer'09 came to an end and here was the beginning of junior year. great! hah so i couldnt really sleep last night because i wasnt excited or nervous about school, i guess cause i was so used to staying up so dayummm late and wasnt tired at all. this morning was kinda hard for me to wake up but i woke up got ready pretty quick then we went to starbucks YUMM! didnt really drink mines though, hah. anywho waiting at the bus stop was just to weird i mean its far from my house and i didnt know the ppl that was at our bus stop. we only had like 4 juniors their. FUNNY! dont worry pretty soon i'll be licensesss and will be driving to school instead of the bus taking me their.

so like while on the bus it was full then walking i see this empty seat and i see trisha! what a surprised sat next to her and we talked about how today would prolly be like we got to school 5min before class started. seen destinee my gosh she looked gorgeous and we went to homeroom. i pretty much was fine and decided to just smile and be happy to make things easier for me. my classes are alright. i was so nervous to go to my classes but i pretty much have someone i know in class to talk to so im not alone. i like my classes though except algebra2 fckn teacher has attitude! gayyyy.

basic question i got the whole day "are you still with oscar?"... wasnt so great about that i mean i already was nervous to see him. i went to 3rd period and thanks to kyle you dummy announced it to the whole class. and all i could do was smile and act like i didnt care, it finally hit me that i couldnt really handle all the questions why when and who and are you okay... UGHHHH! >:O walking in the fucking halls was hard cause their are hella new freshmens my gosh! so in 4th period i noticed some shoes and found out it was oscar sitting a seat away from me and oh dang did i want to break down and cry. jennifer felt the awkwardness. and after that i kept seeing him around. i didnt think i wold even have classes with him this year. i even have lunch with him. im happy though but today was just not so great.

i mean i couldnt say anything to you i couldnt look at you. all i had was memories running thorugh my head while walking in the halls. fuck mann when i got on the bus i just couldnt stop crying. going home and just thinking is all i can do. i miss you and i love you so much. i do need you in my life. we talked and said your sorry for everything that has happened and what happened today. you called me and you cheered me up. i love you so much even though you give me fckn headaches and make me so confused and things get frustrating and complicated all at once, in the end i know that i will always have you their to make me smile again. what a day huh!?

Almost an Ending...

Ohhhhhh finally just one more week until school starts! HAH I'm feeling happy, excited, confused, scared, nervous and shy all at once and school hasnt even started. Oh well I just cant wait to start Junior Year cause I'm tired of staying home or almost staying home. hehe(:

Wow I haven't wrote a blog in like a week or two. Hmm what has changed...
Summer in the beginning was alright then it got very bad and I hated how things were for me until I started to spend time with family and it got all better from their. Volleyball came around and started practicing again and it just felt good to keep myself busy and away from everything I was going through. Now that I think of it my Summer'09 isn't the best but it was just a realization for me and pretty chilled, I guess. So it's almost over and I just feel CONFUSED cause what I've been through this whole summer.

Sooooooo after that weekend in San Diego, I realized so many things that I put myself through and what I really need to figure out. I didn't want to leave SD cause it felt so good to get out of this hot ass desert. ^.^ But I had to leave cause of volleyball... So volleyball camp was this past week/weekend and damnnnn was I in pain and just tired. I loved it though, I love playing it was fun. Ohhhh G.I.JOE; that movie was really good HAH I was confused in the beginning but I got it. Try-outs for volleyball is tomorrow and tuesday... GOODLUCK to me and all the other girls. I cant wait. So many things I have to do this week before I leave again to go back to SAN DIEGO, CA!!! YAYYYY a great way to end my summer'09 lol. Its funny how summer just comes and goes so quickly and like it sucks how we say "ohhh we have all summer to hangout" but when is that? summer is ending and school is starting... I hardly seen people, I guess it was just my fault cause I didnt really want to go out. "/

I came to a conclusion when I was in SD, that Im still confused on where I'll be after Highschool but I kind of got a plan... It was my original plan when I was little and now I'm thinking of really following it. Me and my cousin have to go back to SD and look at the colleges, cause my auntie said so. HAH I have to start thinking of what I'm gonna do in my future and what I wanna study and where I'm gonna go to school for it. I decided I'll be applying to UNLV and SDSU and other colleges in California. :D I really want to go to SDSU for some odd reason cause it was always my choice when I was little. Who knows where I'll end up from Now and THEN... My options are still open and my decions will change but will see...

Things for me in my life are finally turning around and starting to make sense one step at a time and im almost happy to where I was before... I'm not satisfied but hopefully soon. This it for now... hehe

Vacation?

So i havent been keeping updated on my blogs. hah OH WELL! cause i dont really wanna let my life out there. so lately so far the last few weeks of my summer'09...
i guess you can say that its getting better, i mean im not satisfied at whats happening in my life but im learning to accept it as much as i can. Mainly im thinking about how I dont like, how i am forced to grow up but so far im doing things independently and taking control of my life... Being the oldest is tough and the oldest on mom's side; just so much pressure on me. I wanna live and be happy but im not even close to it. I thought i was close to being happy about my life until things fell apart all at once on top of eachother.

Summer '09:

• Best part of it was seeing, spending time, just hanging out with my bestfriend D.Leoning! Gosh I Missed Him SOOO MUCH and I still do. HAH. :D
• Volleyball is just great I mean it takes my mind off what im dealing with. I Love how I can have fun and just play hard at the end of every practice I feel like i just had a good workout!
• Spending time with family at parties and bbq's are the best cause they keep me happy and I just love to have fun with them. Someone once told me that "Family will ALWAYS be there for you and ALWAYS will Love And Care about You even if you make a mistake in Life. They're their to pick you up and make you happy when your down" :D
• Friends/Close Friends/Bestfriends... Kinda scared to go back to school in about two weeks Im not sure what to expect. but I'll have to deal with it right. I dont know if im ready. "/ I dont really keep in touch with most of my friends and close friends are always helpful when you need adivice, bestfriends are just everything to me. THANK YOU SO MUCH!

San Diego this weekend last vacation trip until idk when. Hopefully things go good they're and I just wanna have fun and relax!!

Volleyball camp all next week. YAY! excited but i know imma be halla tired! D;

Volleyball try-outs the following week; GOOD LUCK TO ME AND ALL THE OTHER GIRLS!

JUNIOR YEAR; following week after that will be the first of my JUNIOR YEAR! ^.^ hmmmmmmm thats the update so far...